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Be with

"I see you"...."I'm here to be seen". . ugh I shuddered, as I looked into my partner's eyes, this was hard. .. . "I seeee you". "I'm here to be seen," I said. as my heart burst in her eyes... "I see you". . .and it went back and forth as I got to truly connect with another human being using only that dialog in this exercise. This one is fondly known to anyone in the coaching business as the "be With" exercise. It's Super powerful and extremely moving for those of us looking to create connection and meaning in our lives. So this was the exercise I got to do with a partner while in my class today to be a Master Certified Life Coach at the Certified Life Coach Institute. I cried when I spoke the same phrase after the 5th time. I tried to look altogether, to keep "it" from coming, tried to keep the Tough Doctor have-it-all-in-control exterior but the connection to humanity overcame me. It was slow, painful, and full of angst. I cried for myself and for all the patients I ever had to say goodbye to and one, very special one, was in the center of my minds' eye.

I remember being an intern and my friend's Grandma had a belly ache. I said come to me, come to my hospital, let's check it out, and then all of us sudden, one Cat Scan later it would be 6 months from diagnosis to death. Pancreatic cancer and she was only 67, a young grandma. I spent a lot of time with her in those months and she cried often, gosh who wouldn't and we cuddled up around her and begrudgingly let her go. Somehow I always thought it was my fault she suffered. I thought it was all going to be ok, and it wasn't. Every moan was a personal failure, every cry left me wanting to do something.

I don't think it's comfortable for anyone to be around that kind of pain and I really wanted to make it go away for her and for me. Though I felt completely powerless around this grief I stood there planted, compelled by her humanity knowing how close her experience was to what we all would face. One of the hardest things I ever found and one of the most rewarding lessons I will ever have to learn, over and over and over again is to Be With.

Be with it as it is and as it isn't. It's ok I see you and I am so clear, on every level in every different way possible we are all Here to be seen. I see you, yeah you, I love you and I thank you for being part of my Journey.

I see you.

RIP Raisla











Jennifer Tam, MD

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